Coming out to Your Parents – Part 2 of 3 – Whether?
December 24, 2012 in Uncategorized
Duh! It does not take a genius to figure out why you would want your folks on board. That last post was pointless, frankly. Quite a waste of time! Of course it is cathartic to fantasise about having a big speech prepared that leaves them in tears! It is also cathartic to fantasise about invisible pink unicorns writing pro-internet-piracy haiku in a Quechua-Quenya pidgin. But when it comes down to it, when you actually look them in the eyes while trying to picture how it all goes down, you find a million reasons begging you to just keep your trap shut—howling in your face that if you do not, you will not be capable of disbelieving in hell anymore, because you are going to be in hell. Why abandon religion when you are just going to blindly sacrifice your well-being ‘as a matter of principle’ just like religion urges you to?
You have heard the timeless excuse countless times before: you are still immature. You cannot take care of yourself. Wait until you are legally allowed to live on your own before you do anything foolish. You need your parents at the moment. If you wait until you can be true with the people you love in a more stable environment, you will do so much more. YEAH, blahblahbla! Argh… we are sick of your ephebiphobia-inspired condescension, oldies! Like you are so high and mighty. Immature? Seriously? We do not go around massacring people because we like the fairytales our Mummies told us more than the ones their Mummies told them.
But i am afraid they kind of have a point. On the risk of sounding alarmist, there are parents out there who would disown their own children before they feed an atheist mouth. And let us face it, most of us middle/upper-class kids know jack about surviving in the wild. Say you chose to get emancipation and you have got nowhere else to go. You will have to worry not only about the bulky things like finding a source of sustenance or a place to stay. I will go out on a limb and say many of the teens reading this cannot even do their own laundry or cook their own food or pay their own bills. You are going to catch up (or die), eventually, but again, when you abandoned your religious background, you have shown a certain predisposition towards critical thinking. Instead of just enduring whatever life throws at you, try to compare the pros and cons of the different options you get to choose from. Logic is not cowardice, no matter how many times people keep saying it is.
Besides, you are not the only person involved here. What about your folks? They are people too, you know. You know them best, you can venture a guess about how they would take it. Compared to what you stand to gain from being frank with them, is too much at stake? If your mother has got too much on her plate right now with her failed project at work and her best friend’s car accident and stuff, it can wait. If your aging fundie father is has heart-disease, you probably should not tell him. For all it is worth, your caregivers did not leave you by the doorsteps of a church (i am hoping). However uncaring they might seem at times, they have done a lot for you and do not deserve to have their hearts broken so recklessly. It is bad for all parties involved. Take their feelings into consideration, is all i am saying.
And before you drag other people into this, make sure you are in it. It takes time to lose weight. It takes as much time to loss dogma. If you just reverted a month ago, your outlook on atheism will drastically change with time; you might even fall for your old religion again. Give atheism a chance to sink in. Allow your faith to naturally fall off; trying to force it to is only going to slow it down. Make sure you have come to terms with your beliefs and what they entail before you go around labelling yourself with unsavoury labels that are hard to peel off later. It would be rather silly to have a huge, messy multiple-front battle with your step-father only to end up agreeing with him that atheism is evil!
In the end, it all boils down to your situation. Only you can truly deduce the best way to go about this. What kind of caregivers do you have? How far would they go? Do you know how to defend yourself against domestic abuse? Do you have a friend you can stay with for a while? Any older relatives you cat get to side with you? Do you know anything about counter-apologetics? The kind of shit your parents were fed? How to refute that shit? How much/little would it affect your life if you (do not) tell them? In what way would it affect your life? And how would you break it to them?
OK, fine, i will help with one of them. Pick one… the last one, you say? It is settled then; i will take care of that last one in my next post! Cheers! :)